Over time, I have grown to love and appreciate him. In many ways, he has made me feel secure and protected. You know, the way a woman should feel with her man. He has been there for me during the highs and lows of the past three years. He supports my ambitions and life goals. However, this has not been a fairy tale romance; we have our disagreements, and have endured the ebb and flow that occurs in normal relationships. To his credit, he deserves an award for sticking with me. I know this might be hard to believe, but everyday with me is not a day at the beach! Yes, I have a few flaws that will challenge the sanity of any man…not to mention a retired military officer. He once described our “debates” as two people in a gun fight.
My personal growth during this relationship has solidified many internal convictions. I am 100% comfortable with the prospect of never marrying. I often ask, ‘where does this man fit into my life? What can I live with; what will I not live without?’ I believe that these questions are essential in order to determine my true reason for making a lifelong commitment to another human being. And, these are questions that two people need to explore together as well as separately. We have had this discussion on numerous occasions, and we both accept the fact that there are some things about one another that will never change.
We both agreed three years ago that we were not going to rush down the aisle. Yes, we wanted marriage, love, commitment and everything in between. Yes, we wanted to pursue a long-term relationship with each other. But no, we were not rushing into a regrettable mistake. We were both at a place in our personal lives where certain things needed to be accomplished before we took that leap. In the meantime, we could get to know each other and determine a path for our future together.
This man knows a lot about me. He is very observant, and reads my personality well. He knows the good, the bad, and the ugly. He knows that I stand firmly on my values and convictions because those are my foundation for how I live my life. Changing my values will not come easy, if at all, because I cannot lose who I am. This is just as important to me (if not more) as his ability to pay the bills and be “the man” in the marriage.
He has earned a few points along the way. He has promised to move out of the country while I go through menopause. He knows I love to talk, so he agrees to at least pretend he is listening. Recently, he apologized for every negative thing between us over the past six months. I was thinking, ‘add 30 more months to that, Buddy!’
Honestly, there are days when I think that I could marry him in a heart beat. Conversely, there are also days when I am so, so glad we are not married. But doesn’t that occur in marriages, anyway? The differences between our current relationship and marriage vows are: we would live under the same roof; have a deeper level of intimacy; merge our finances; and eat all of our meals together. So, why would I marry him without being hit over the head caveman style, and dragged into his lair? For all the reasons I have outline here, and more. However, I am not ready to say ‘I do’ today.
"Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage." Ambrose Bierce
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