Okay. On Tuesday, I shared my plans to reinvent myself and embark upon a new career. Today, I have decided what that will be, exactly. I am going to become the female version of Tyler Perry and develop a screenplay for a movie titled, “Why Would I Get Married?” The sequel? “Why Would I Get Married…to You?!” Since Fridays are our free flow day, I am letting my pen flow with my evolution of love and relationships.
I recall when I was approaching my 40th birthday, a lady told me, “Once you turn 40, everything will become crystal clear. Your finances, retirement, relationships. Everything.” I smiled and blinked thinking, ‘so have I been in a fog the past 39 years?’ Not that I did not appreciate her advice. I did. She is one of many women that I admire. However, I thought that I had most things under control.
Today, I have come full circle with that statement, realizing the longer I live, nothing could be more truthful, particularly when it comes to love and marriage! As we get older, we learn that life has a lot of unanswered questions where there might not be an immediate answer. Still, the questions are there nonetheless. So, let me start with my first question:
Why would I get married?Before I share my answer, please understand that I have a high regard for couples who marry, and stay together for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for rich or poor, until they part in death, and not because one murdered the other. These are the couples who have no unrealistic expectations, who not only love, but also respect and appreciate one another. They are to be commended for their commitment.
During my 40 plus years on this Earth, I have grown to love everything about who I am: the good, the bad and the ugly. I aspire to become a self-actualized person; I am a firm believer in personal development and life-long learning. My contentment and patience with myself in certain things gives space for my growth and development. Hence, I would only get married to a man who shares this acceptance of me. Of course, I am willing to accept him in the same manner. I have certainly learned that wasting time on a pseudo man who has no regard for my feelings is just wasting time…precious time that cannot be reclaimed.
This self-knowledge means that I would marry the man I did not want to live without, and the one I am willing to sacrifice for in order to make him happy. Meaning, I can willingly place my goals and fulfilling my destiny on hold because life calls me to channel that energy towards him and his needs. I would get married to the man who understands me, and respects the fact that all that I have experienced up to this point in time has shaped my values and beliefs. I have flowed from denying myself…to knowing myself…to no regrets for myself…to protecting myself.
Often, women loose their identity for the sake of pleasing the man. This should not be, and the man who truly loves a woman does not want her to loose who she is for him. That is selfish love that cannot mature. Relationships are give and take. Now, this does not mean that only one person gives and takes. A relationship is a constant flow of giving and receiving. Just imagine: if both people give 80%, both will receive a lot.
Yeah, I would get married when these principles are at the core of the relationship. Next week, I will answer the sequel: Why would I get married…to you?
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
Excellent blog, very heart felt. I agree I would love to marry the man who understands what I don't say. Communication is a two way street. I would love for him to understand how I communicate and we adjust to each other in a way that suits God and us. I have seen too many marriages where the woman loses herself. I understand the concept of oneness and believe God will bring the couples differences together to create harmony.
ReplyDeleteYes, I believe communication is the number one challenge in a relationship. That is, communicating without preconceived notions and ultimatums. Thank you for sharing.
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