Honoring Sacred Places

I had a dream recently that resonated with me long after I woke up. The scenes were out of kilter, but the interactions with others stood out for me with a common theme: the importance of our relationships. I awoke with a sense of urgency to pen this blog. Whether marital, familial or friendships, we need to use present moments to honor the connection we have with the ones we love.

In his book, “The Real Lives of Strong Black Women: Transcending Myths, Reclaiming Joy,”  Toby Thompkins writes that all relationships are sacred places. I agree that we should be grateful for the people who give to us love unconditionally.

We should display our love and affection – things that money cannot buy. How can we do this?

Practice respect, honesty, openness, compassion and acts of love. We can listen with a loving ear. Listening is a sacrifice to give up something and devote your attention to the other person.

We can develop compassion over blame. Blame desecrates that sacred space. Compassion expands that place with treasured memories.

I want to make sure that the important people know how I esteem them in my life – through actions, not simply words. I was born in the “Show Me” state and for me actions speak louder than words. I listened to what people said, but watched closely the actions that followed.

Now, I admit that sometimes my perception was flawed. I analyzed a person’s actions through my personal filter. If actions did not align with my expectation, I concluded that the person did not mean what they said.

God showed me how unfair I was through my relationship with my daughter. During her teenage years, He taught me three love lessons: (1) Accept the people you love for who they are; (2) A person may have their own way of expressing love; and, (3) No matter the problem, always find your way back to love.

We can still honor those sacred places, even when the other person seemingly does not reciprocate. How? By bestowing forgiveness upon them and expecting the best.

If you are unable to restore a broken relationship, distance is perhaps the best thing between you. Just make sure that distance is not paved with bitterness, anger and a vice grip on the pain you believe the other person caused. We sacrifice joy and inner peace with the weight of something that occurred a long time ago – or yesterday.

Bottom line, we all need healthy, human connections. No man is an island. For years, I tried to be one and thought that I was pretty good at it. But, I found out that even an island needs the water surrounding it to be an island.

“It's better to lose your pride to the one you love, than to lose the one you love because of pride. We spend too much time looking for the right person to love or finding fault with those we already love, when instead we should be perfecting the love we give.” Anonymous